The quick answer: Life goes by pretty quick; if you want to pass on the cultural DNA of your family, eat a home-cooked dinner together, and talk to each other. Another benefit: you’ll all live longer.
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An Apology
In the morning, when you first awake, do you think about your dreams? You have to do this quickly, before they fade away, but I’m told they offer clues for the coming day. Today I awoke early, surprising the beautiful wife. What was on my mind? It was Saturday and I hadn’t put up my post for the week. No wonder I couldn’t sleep. So I apologize.
Remember that great movie about Ferris Bueller taking a day off from school? How in the end he observes, “Life moves pretty fast; if you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” It was a quote that resonated but looking back at my own life, here’s what I might say: “Life moves pretty fast; if you don’t eat dinner with your kids they’ll miss the deeper stuff you have to share.”
So this post is about the family dinner, an institution that’s been fading away in our fast-moving society, much like the dreams of your night’s sleep. I’m surprised when I poll people how seldom families are actually sitting down and eating a prepared meal. For all the ill that is done by fast food, processed packaged foods, and such, I think the greater harm is in the failure of families to sit down and eat a home-cooked meal together.
The Ideal Family Dinner
Here are ten criteria of an ideal family dinner for your consideration. If you were a hidden observer at any family’s dinner, applying these criteria in the brief time of eating meal would be a fair measure of the family. After your next family dinner, ask the gang to score themselves—A, B, D, D or F—on these 10 criteria. The most common score is your total score. Is there room for improvement?
- Participation: This is the glue that enriches and binds all together. The success of family dinner increases with the proportion of the family engaged in preparation. And what better way to teach nutrition and cooking skills?
- Love at home: the degree of affection and kindness shown between family members is a barometer of family relationships. The beautiful wife had a rule that the table was a safe place—no blows or digs were allowed.
- Conversation: The family culture, even with children, is revealed by the topics discussed.
- Manners: A good metric of self-control necessary for success in life. The beautiful wife, when the children were young, used to read a paragraph after dinner from an author remembered as Miss Manners. The children remember those readings today with affection.
- Laughter: The more the better in my view but all in good taste. It's said that laughter is the best sauce.
- Gratitude: Count compliments, as opposed to complaints, for those who prepare the meal. What cook isn't encouraged with praise?
- Face time: In the hustle and bustle of life a day can pass without meaningful face time with family members. Dinner is your best chance for regular face time. How long do you spend at dinner?
- Values: In the teaching and sharing of values, we give meaning to life. But if they're not discussed, they're not given importance by children.
- Learning: Family values and traditions are best taught at mealtime. Reach beyond Dad lecturing—participation empowers and endows.
- Healthiness: Look for a meal of whole foods with plenty of vegetables but sparing of meat—you know that was coning, didn't you?
Single?
I spoke to a single group a while back and discussed the challenges of eating alone. It's hard to do, but organizing some king of group dining at least a few days of the week has wonderful benefits.
Please Comment: Please share your best family dinner practices and ideas. This is a topic where everyone has expertise so please, lots of comments.